Well everyone, we have reached the end of the semester. I have had so many wonderful experiences and memories I will cherish forever. I am so grateful Heavenly Father helped guide me to the Marriage and Family Study major. I have fallen absolutely in love with it. In these 12 weeks, I have learned so much about family relations and the great importance of families to society and our Heavenly Father's great plan of happiness.
This week in class we covered a sensitive topic: Divorce and Remarriage. I'd first like a share this wonderful quote from Elder Lynn G. Robbins: "Falling out of love is a cunning myth which causes many broken hearts and homes...Too many believe that love is a condition, a feeling that involves 100 percent of the heart, something that happens to you. They disassociate love from the mind and, therefore, from agency. In commanding us to love, the Lord refers to something much deeper than romance—a love that is the most profound form of loyalty. He is teaching us that love is something more than feelings of the heart; it is also a covenant we keep with soul and mind...If a husband and wife are willing to apply the scriptural definition of love to their relationship, even a stale marriage and romance can be revived. Stephen R. Covey relates the following experience:
“At one seminar, after I’d spoken on the importance of demonstrating character within the family, a man came up and said, ‘I like what you’re saying, but my wife and I just don’t have the same feelings for each other that we used to. I guess we don’t love each other anymore. What can I do?’
“‘Love her,’ I replied.
“He looked puzzled. ‘How do you love when you don’t feel love?’
“‘My friend,’ I responded, ‘love is a verb. The feeling of love is the fruit of love. So love your wife. You did it once, you can do it again. Listen. Empathize. Appreciate. It’s your choice. Are you willing to do that?’
“Of course, I was asking this man if he was willing to search within himself for the character required to make his marriage work. All our relationships follow the contours of life; they have ups and downs. This is why our families provide a critical measure of our character—and the opportunity, again and again to nurture it.”
I personally believe that most marriages that end in divorce could have been saved. Around 60% of adults regret getting divorced and wish they could and should have saved it. 70% of couples who were dissatisfied with their marriage but stick it out, report that within 2-5 years they were able to overcome their problems and have a successful marriage. I think the introduction of the No Fault Divorce gives couples an easy way out instead of making them work at it. I feel that the consequences of divorce outweigh the consequences of working through a couple rough years. There are many cases in which divorce is absolutely needed if there are things such as abuse, drugs, or infidelity involved. However, even with cases of infidelity, divorce doesn't have to be the first option. Recovery is possible and can even strengthen the marriage afterward but it does take time, hard work, and counseling.
A lot of people have heard the statement that half of all marriages end in divorce. The truth is that divorce rates are not only lower than that but have been in decline since the 1980s. The divorce rate for 1st marriages is 42% while a second marriage is at 62%. The reason for that is because fewer people are getting married at an earlier age and becoming more educated. We shouldn't let statistics scare us!
-The impact of divorce on children is overwhelming and could impact them their whole life.
-Divorce disrupts and damages parent-child relationships.
-Children receive less emotional support.
-Divorce makes it more difficult for children to trust their parents.
-Divorce is associated with children struggling academically, dropping out of school, and greater disruptive behaviors.
-Children also have higher rates of depression, low self-esteem, and emotional distress.
-It is hard on children to be shuffled between parents. It is almost like they are living two separate lives.
-You have to split your possessions and sometimes your friends.
Many people will tell you divorce is caused by a number of things such as money or lack of communication, which are contributing factors, but not the root of the problem. Elder Oaks teaches it best, "I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache. A broad-based international study of the levels of happiness before and after 'major life events' found that, on average, persons are far more successful in recovering their level of happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce. Spouses who hope that divorce will resolve conflicts often find that it aggravates them, since the complexities that follow divorce—especially where there are children—generate new conflicts."
Sadly divorce is still going to happen. However, I know many blended families that are happy together despite the challenges that come with it.
My teacher always mentions that when it comes to family relations, there are many aspects that are unnatural. That it is why we must always strive for the supernatural. It is worth putting in the effort.
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