This weekend I got the chance to help babysit my boyfriend's super adorable nieces. It has been a really long time since I have had the chance to watch young children. It was fun seeing how my boyfriend and I interacted with kids. After a couple a hours it ended with both me and Justin pretty tired haha. It reminded me that parents are amazing. You need a lot of energy to keep up with kids and you sacrifice everything for them. I can't wait to be a mom someday. I know I still have a lot of growing and learning to do, but I can't imagine anything bringing me more joy in my life.
There are a lot of benefits that can come from parenting. As parents, you develop patience, love, compassion, communication skills, responsibility, memories, wisdom; the list could go on and on. But I think more importantly is that parenting helps us to become even more like our father in heaven. Obviously, not everyone will have the opportunity to have children, but we know that there are other ways of experiencing that role. I believe that learning and growing and creating our own families is what God gave us time for. After all, what is most important to God? His family.
The Family Proclamation states: "HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."
This is an enormous responsibility. In the world today it seems there are a plethora of resources on how to parent. For me, this is pretty overwhelming. In class, however, we discussed a style of parenting that I really agree with. It is called Active Parenting.
On the main site for Active Parenting is says, "The Active Parenting model is...described as an “authoritative approach” (as opposed to autocratic or permissive), and include such methods as natural and logical consequences, recognizing the goals of behavior, family meetings and problem-solving skills, the importance of encouragement, and much more.
Dr. Popkin has extended the Adlerian model, creating specific methods designed to support and prepare families through “every stage, every step” of their child’s development. These include such tools as the “think-feel-do” cycle, the positive and negative approaches to the the four goals of behavior, the FLAC (Feelings, Limits, Alternatives, Consequences) method of discipline, the importance of relationship building through “family enrichment activities and the self-esteem spiral.”
As we have explored these models, I have learned so much. One thing we specifically discussed was John Popkins 5 main needs that all children need.
- A need of Belonging and Contact- Parents should offer contact freely whether it be through hugs, cuddling, kisses, high fives, etc. One of my favorite things as a kid was getting tucked in by my mom because it always included a tickle back. My teacher told us that while he was working with some inmates that the worst punishment for them was solitary confinement. Even if they hated the other inmates they would rather be able to have some interaction with them than none at all. There is also a lot of research showng the effect that touch has on newborns and their overall development. Touch is important and if offered freely will help children avoid attention seeking behavior and feel more loved.
- Power- I'm not saying that kids get to call the shots but Dr. Popkins says children should have the ability to make certain choices and experience the consequences that follow. This will help them to not feel so controlled and become rebellious.
- Protection- A home should be a sanctuary for children. Children feel safest when they know their parents marriage is going well. Now I understand that marriages have their ups and downs, but try to have fights and disagreements without yelling and away from the kids. Children should also feel safe enough to express their thoughts freely. Provide a balance and mercy and help them to learn forgiveness.
- Withdrawal- Children, just like us, need breaks too. If you want them to be good workers teach them to take breaks in between and then go back to the task. This will help them not procrastinate or turn to avoidance.
- Challenge- One thing I feel strongly about is giving lots of opportunities for my future kids to feel challenged. That's what my parents did. I want to make sure each of my kids have the opportunity to try at least one sport and an instrument. Of course I won't force anything on them but kids usually aren't going to push themselves until you encourage them and present opportunities for them. Parents should also not try to ease challenges that their kids can overcome on their own.
I know parenting is a difficult task but if we strive to meet needs, teach and discipline with love, be a good example, and allow them to learn from their own choices it is a very rewarding experience.
If you care to learn more check out this site!
https://www.activeparenting.com/
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