Are You Suffering a Tragedy That Isn't Occurring?

I really love the song God Gave Me You by Blake Shelton, 

"God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you"

No family is ever exempt from trials and crisis. That is why God gave us families so we can face those days of doubts together. My family has seen their fair share of trials, but we got through it and we are stronger because of it. In the moment of stress such as losing a job, losing a loved one, dealing with disabilities, miscarriage, moving, having kids, debt, medical or mental problems, getting a divorce, abuse, a family member leaves the church...etc it isn't easy to stay positive or happy. Every family reacts differently to different crisis. Here are some effective tools for coping with situations like these.

We should first take responsibility for ourselves and our family. Don't deny, avoid the problem, blame others, or play the victim. Trials also assault our self-esteem which will lead to turning inward, away from our family. We can't forget to believe in ourselves and our ability to get through a crisis. It is also very important to come together as a family rather than turn apart. You should communicate openly and recognize each other's strengths. Another important tool is to become aware of our thoughts. 

I want to reference Jody Moore who makes awesome podcasts. She talks a lot about problem-solving and how to live happier lives. She mentions that all of our pain and suffering we often think is caused by our circumstance, other people, or by other things we're going through in life is not really caused by those things, it's actually caused by our thinking. Thinking is the only reason that we feel negative emotion.

She explains this 5 part model that can help solve any problem:

1. Circumstances- circumstances are something that is outside of our control. It is also factual. It has no subjectivity or opinion built-in whatsoever. The weather is a circumstance, traffic is a circumstance, other people's behavior is a circumstance because we can't control it.

2. Next is our thinking- our thoughts are just the meaning that we give to our circumstances. We all have different thoughts which is what makes this world a really interesting and diverse place and makes all of us unique, so it's a very good thing. Many of the thoughts that we have are very helpful and help us to be the person we are, but some of the thoughts that we have are actually harmful though and are causing us unnecessary pain and suffering.

3. Our feelings- our feelings come from our thinking and we don't always tend to realize that. We tend to think that our feelings are coming from our circumstances so we might say something like "I have 4 kids that's why I feel overwhelmed," when the truth is having 4 kids has nothing to do the cause of your overwhelm. It's your thinking about the 4 kids, thinking that you have to get certain things done, thinking that things need to be a certain way, thinking that it's your job to keep those kids happy all the time. Those kinds of thoughts are what's causing the overwhelming.

4. Action- all of our action or inaction or reaction comes from our feelings. Many of us will try and power through things or circumstances, even though we may not want to do something we make ourselves do it. Another example could be having thoughts about another person and trying to hide it thinking it won't show. That is absolutely not true. Our actions are 100 times more effective when we are operating from a place of empowerment, positive emotion, or at least emotion that serves us. When we're just trying to power through it will always show up in your energy and in your overall effectiveness when you're experiencing an emotion that's not serving you.

5. Results- The more you control your thoughts and actions the more you control your life results and destiny.

Now when you go through this model and you want to change things simply start by being aware of your thoughts. We can then start noticing what triggers it and why we are choosing to think it. You then can begin to replace that thought with a more positive one. Keep finding thoughts that help you feel the way you want to feel and then write them down and practice thinking them and practice affirming them and that's how you will change.

This is what my counselor on my mission taught us and it made a huge difference in our lives. Another thing I have been doing recently is meditating. I have been studying a lot about Daoism in my Chinese Culture, and I have found that Daoist meditation really does help me become centered and help to quiet the body and the mind. This is a great way to just sort of relax and clear any stressful thoughts I am having. 

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

-Philippians 4:8

I hope this blog was helpful to you! Feel free to leave any feedback:) 

Here is a link to Jody Moore's podcast: 

https://jodymoore.com/