Are you prepared for Marriage?

"Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but eternal joy as well. It affects not only the two people involved but their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations."-Spencer W. Kimball

I've reached that age now where whenever I log into Facebook I see yet another friend getting engaged. It's awesome! Marriage is the beginning of a wonderful journey and it makes me happy to see so many of my friends starting their own families. That's why I'm really excited to write this blog because I find it very applicable to many of you and myself. 

Here at BYU-I, the dating atmosphere is very interesting, and by interesting I mean pretty dang frustrating, after all, it is called BYU-I-Do. "Get married within a semester or your money back." When I was still single I would always have the thought in the back of my mind "Oh my gosh is he the one???" after meeting a guy. There is also a negative perception here for older students. Older men and women who are 25 and above believe that if they haven't married by now that they never will. This is just false; 25 is still so young! We should never look down on anyone for not marrying until they are older. Everyone's timing is different. Many students also believe the dating process needs to be fast or it isn't happening at all. This will cause people to not put a lot of thoughtful consideration into their relationships. Ghosting is also a really big problem here. Students get in the habit of cutting people off because there are "unlimited amounts of options." This is not a healthy way of thinking because you end up cutting out great options and expect the supply to be endless. I have met too many guys and girls with this mindset.
"If you "just aren't feeling it," but can't think of a good reason why or you are confused and so you break things off with someone, what a tragic thing.
Satan's main focal point of attack is on family and marriage. The center of God's plan is the family and if Satan can destroy that, he can destroy everything else and he knows this. Satan knows how important and vital family & marriage are. Why else would he try to stop good relationships from happening?"-Kenzie Casper (Dating Culture + BYU-I = Messy).
A lot of "dates" here consists of spending all your time together by either eating, doing homework, and watching movies. And couples actually feel that they "know" each other because after all, they spend all their time together right? You may spend all your time together, but these activities don't actually allow you to really get to know each other. It is just one small aspect. Another common thing is there is more planning that goes into the wedding than the marriage. Yes, the colors, the food, and the dress will be important for a few hours but what are you doing to prepare for the next 10 years together?

There is a really great book called "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk" by John Van Epp

One of the interesting things he talks about is a concept called RAM: Relationship Attachment Model.

"Van Epp said that in a dating situation, one area – or dynamic bond – of the RAM should not become more deeply developed than the area preceding it. For example, a couple should not form strong bonds of trust beyond what they have established in their level of knowing each other. Also, a couple should be careful not to rely on each other beyond their developed level of trust. The model follows this principle throughout the remaining dynamic bonds of commitment and touch, suggesting that physical touch is kept at a level lower than the levels of the four other dynamic bonds represented in the RAM.

“When a couple has gone too far in one area of the RAM – say touch – but decides to put that area back in balance with the other four, not allowing one area to develop more than a previous, then they often feel awkward,” Van Epp said. “However, that feeling is only momentary while the benefits are lasting.”"- Scroll

Dating can be a roller coaster and I'm still learning myself but it is so important and it is important to do it right! 

If have any great marriage prep tips or date ideas please share below!