Ya'll know the song about the wise man and foolish man.
"The wise man built his house upon the rock,
And the rains came tumbling down.
The rains came down, and the floods came up,
And the house on the rock stood still.
The foolish man built his house upon the sand,
And the rains came tumbling down.
The rains came down, and the floods came up,
And the house on the sand washed away."
When building a house what is the most important part you start with? The foundation.
If you don't start with a detailed plan and build a strong foundation, we all know what will happen. We will end up just like the foolish man. Our relationships are the same; we need a strong foundation at the beginning or it will crumble when the rains and the whirlwinds come up. It isn't impossible to go back and reinforce a weak foundation, but it is a lot harder to do.
My teacher mentions that before engagement, a couple shouldn't talk about marraige to each other. He thinks you should simply discuss what you want from marriage and how you picture it until he pops the question. However, my teacher also believes in dating for a long time with a short engagement. I disagree with him that you shouldn't talk about marriage in depth before your engagement, especially if you have a short engagement. Whichever way works for you, there are certain things you should talk about before getting married. As I discussed in my last blog, dating is an important marriage prep. Through courtship, you should find out how you and your partner make decisions and problem solve together. This will help build your foundation. Another great thing to do is to go to premarital counseling. This is a great basis for a strong marriage. If you feel you can manage without a counselor that is totally fine too. Most of the things they discuss are things you can bring up together. Some of these things include:
- Boundaries
- Finances
- Communication
- Beliefs and values
- Marriage roles
- Affection, intimacy and sex
- Children and parenting
- Family relationships
- Decision making
- Dealing with anger
- Quality time spent together
While weddings are important and fun, couples should really make sure these aspects are talked about and planned just as much. This will help build a strong foundation as you go through different transitions in your marriage.
The first big transition a couple will face is their first child. Data shows that marital satisfaction decreases with the introduction of every new baby and then increases once they leave the nest.
The first big transition a couple will face is their first child. Data shows that marital satisfaction decreases with the introduction of every new baby and then increases once they leave the nest.
Despite the joint decision a man and woman made to have a child-
-She is typically preoccupied with the baby
-He is often busy elsewhere
-She thinks he doesn't care about her needs
-He feels left out
-She feels worn out and wonders if he'll ever get involved
-He may withdraw as he does not feel appreciated
-They forfeit valuable time and other resources to attend to the need of the baby
It isn't impossible to fight the baby blues and even increase marital satisfaction when children are introduced. The first step is to plan early:
-Couples should plan and anticipate the increased workload and decreased time together. They can plan and implement means of sharing the work and the pleasure of early parenting.
-Couples can also anticipate how to you will share responsibilities
-Wives, you can help involve your husband by having him go with you to prenatal checkups and resist the temptation to make them mother-grandmother events, especially during the birth.
-Couples can also anticipate how to you will share responsibilities
-Wives, you can help involve your husband by having him go with you to prenatal checkups and resist the temptation to make them mother-grandmother events, especially during the birth.
-Share tender moments with your child together
-Be careful to validate your partner, expressing love and appreciation for what he/she is experiencing
-Take turns doing the fun and not-so-fun things
-Though this little one needs and deserves your constant care, don't forget that your partner helped to bring it into the world!
-Be attentive to your spouse's needs as well as your own needs too.
For those of you who have kids or are expecting, I hope this was helpful to you. Remember, the two of you loved each other long before this little child came along. In fact, your love is the reason this child is here! You will still be lovers even after your children have grown and started their own families.
For those that are engaged or married remember to start with a strong foundation!
-Be careful to validate your partner, expressing love and appreciation for what he/she is experiencing
-Take turns doing the fun and not-so-fun things
-Though this little one needs and deserves your constant care, don't forget that your partner helped to bring it into the world!
-Be attentive to your spouse's needs as well as your own needs too.
For those of you who have kids or are expecting, I hope this was helpful to you. Remember, the two of you loved each other long before this little child came along. In fact, your love is the reason this child is here! You will still be lovers even after your children have grown and started their own families.
For those that are engaged or married remember to start with a strong foundation!
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