Week 2: Rules and Roles in the Family

Have you ever thought about the different unspoken rules in your family? For example, in my own family if someone cooks then everyone else is expected to help clean up and do the dishes. If my dad is in the living room then you better hand over the remote and get out of his seat haha. In marriage, it is important to understand these rules especially since every family is different. We all have different views on what is acceptable and unacceptable and we interact with one another.
More examples:

• The wife handles the finances of the family while the husband works. 
• Don’t talk politics or religion at the dinner table.
• Don’t ask about the things you’re not supposed to know about.
• Ask dad before you ask mom if you want something.

My teacher explained that when he first got married he had noticed that his wife had opened his mail. This rubbed him the wrong way because in his family this was a strict no no! But his wife grew up with seeing her mother do the same because she normally handled the bills. Understanding these rules can help us understand each other better and not immediately think "You barbarian!" When we recognize the rules in our family we can also recognize some rules that may be dysfunctional. Once these rules have been identified it's possible for families to revise or discard rules that are outmoded, inappropriate, or irrelevant, in order to improve individual self-esteem of members as well as overall family functioning. "The issue for such a family is not that it follows the "correct" rules while other, less successful families do not, but rather that its rules are consistent and clearly communicated." 
What kind of unspoken rules do you have in your family?